Providence

Since I was in high school, I have had times that I really struggled with prayer. I enjoy spending time with the Lord, but I am all too easily distracted. One thing that really helped me was to write down some of my prayers in a journal. It tends to keep me focused, and it is great to be able to go back and read some of my prayers from the past. I have gone through several journals, but a few years back I bought a HUGE one, and I have been writing in that for a while off and on.


So today when I was doing my devotions, I took some time to read back through some of what I had written, and I was simply amazed! The very first entry was from the fall of 2006. I had really been going through a rough time, and wasn’t sure what God had in store for me. I was at a spiritual retreat that weekend, and I met a guy who caught my attention. Little did I know, that guy would one day become my husband. God had this whole amazing plan for my life, and I had NO clue!!

From there, I had written about our relationship and the journey that we started together. I wrote about our joys and our adventures, our struggles and our stresses. I was even able to read about the night I realized I loved him (I told God before I told Ben!). I had written at different points during our engagement, and then right before we got married. It was so incredible to remember back to exactly what I was feeling and what I was praying about during those special times in my life. In a way, my prayer journal chronicled my love story!

Later on, I wrote about a really difficult time in our marriage. We prayed for healing and renewal, and God blessed us beyond what we could have imagined. I prayed when Ben lost his job and we had no idea how we would pay our bills, and God provided a job that paid better than his first one within a week! I prayed about Ben finding an internship when his first choice fell through at the last minute, and God opened up the one in Catlin AND provided a free place for us to live.

Last summer I started praying about a baby. When Ben and I decided that we wanted to try to have a baby, I went to the doctor for a routine checkup. During that appointment, I found out that I had a problem that might make it difficult, even impossible to have a child. While I started treatment, I prayed so hard over the next few months that God would give us a child. In October, I found out I was expecting our little miracle, and she was born two months ago. Despite a rough start, Addyson is beautiful and healthy, and we are SO blessed beyond belief!

I had been so worried lately because we have no idea where we are going to end up. After 40 resumes and a few interviews, Ben still doesn’t have a job, and we need to move soon. We have enough money to pay the bills until the end of this month, and then we don’t know what is going to happen. This is even scarier now that we have a child to provide for. I had really started to worry and doubt God, but after reading though my prayer journal, I can see the incredible ways that God has ALWAYS provided for us. He has always met our needs, and I have no reason to start doubting his providence now! It has blessed my heart so much to be able to look back today and see how beautifully God has written the story of our lives, and I can’t wait to see where He takes us next!